The World’s tallest fountain in Eyad’s previous home town of Jeddah

Some readers will recall a previous post written by Eyad. The post discussed his thoughts before leaving Saudi Arabia. Here in chapter two he discusses his early days getting settled in New Zealand. As you read, remember that amazingly Eyad’s English education was gained listening to pop-songs on his iPhone.

CHAPTER TWO

“Come on, wake up” were the first words I heard from David on my first morning in NZ; waking me up to go for training. I know I just had a very long journey but there is no time to rest, I have got to start working for my dream. Thank you David for saving me from sinking recklessly in sleeping, I now realize it isn’t going to be a soft start.

Training after training, hour after hour, day after day and my only friend was the pain I felt of my achy muscles after training. Ashamed to perform poorly at the nationals, but motivated to prove those who said “YOU CAN’T DO IT” wrong. My passion, my constant reminder to rise not fall, the choice of living not dying got me through it all. Tears were dropped and feelings got hurt, but only to make me miles stronger. People talk to me and say I should see a therapist. Should I listen to those people’s advices or should I shut their voices and immerse my head under water. I choose the silence I get when I dive into the pool over hearing extra noises, and I never regretted this decision.

Ironically, the same water helps me to forget my concerns, is the same water causing my pain. Isn’t that funny! I’m the one treating the pain with more pain. Maybe I am an old fusion guy who believes in ‘treat the fire with fire’. Or maybe just a fool who does not understand that pain is not normal. People should live with no pain, isn’t that true? Well, I don’t want to be normal.

I will never forget that morning when David said “Don’t blame anyone if you did not swim fast, you have a problem and you have the remedy, all for a price and NO ONE but you will pay it”. Yes David, you are right! I’m the one who should go through that fight. Not the fight against achieving my dreams or the fight in the pool at any race, but the one inside my head. I should forget about all the disappointments I had back in Saudi Arabia. Disbelieve everyone said I wasn’t good. And execute what I am meant to do what I have trained for.

But wait; there still one more disappointment I needed to experience. It’s the nationals next week and training has become easier. Did my dream just have gotten easier to achieve? Or am I just getting over confidant after all those long weeks of doing 70 kilometres a week? No, It’s a bit a hesitation mixed with traces of fear from the competition. Remember last time I swam in it I ended with disappointment texts from everyone I looked up to. Everyone I wanted to make proud, made them disappointed. I am sorry for what’s going to happen next.

Yes I had let them down again. God help me because my anger won’t.

Did I just say anger? Why you wonder? I will tell you my secret. My anger is my weapon against my will. Yes I am a nice person and can’t show anger to people around me but I definitely can against my self. Is that where I want to be? Is this why I came here? HELL NO.

Then what am I going to do about it? I know I need to get rid of that fear that I had, that hesitation of not being good enough. Because I am good and I should make people fear me. I am going to prove my self-wrong this time. Everyday is a new challenge, every breath has a purpose and every nice rule must be broken when my surrounding becomes only water. I am not turning into a savage monster; I am unleashing and guiding the mongrel existed in me. Wait and see what’s going to happen because the next chapter will be interesting.

Maybe when you read this you might think I am turning into a psychopath. Mate, give me a night to hang out. I will shout you a glass of beer and make this thought disappear.