The world is having its say about Serbian tennis player, Djokovic. It would seem somewhat remiss if Swimwatch ignored events that have the sporting world breathless at his fate.

First things first – the guy is clearly as nutty as a well-made Christmas cake. This business of water going off by glaring at it with disapproval but staying crystal clear with a warm, approving smile – Djokovic believes that stuff. Consider how much Auckland City could save on water treatment. Just employ Djokovic to stand smiling at the edge of the Upper Mangatawhiri Dam in the Hunua Ranges and 16.22 gigalitres of pure water would be ready for us to drink.

And as for his belief that balancing a slice of bread on his stomach revealed his gluten intolerance. What else does that work for? Would a pork chop tell you to be a vegetarian? A small airplane covering your tummy button might cure a fear of flying. The potential of this discovery is endless.

I notice all his natural healing claptrap went out the window when he really needed medical help with a badly damaged elbow. Then a very modern surgeon was called in to operate. Four months later Djokovic won Wimbledon. My guess is Auckland City might be best to continue its current water treatment practice.

The Djokovic world is ridiculously funny, but dangerous as well. Because he is good at tennis, followers tend to believe his nonsense. This week his father compared him to Jesus Christ. The comparison may have merit. Australian Tennis has been as badly behaved as Judas Iscariot. Apart from what Australian Tennis says, even the look of their CEO, Craig Tiley, gives me the creeps. It is hard to escape the feeling that the decisions of Australian Tennis have been based on securing thirty pieces of silver. And certainly, the Australian Border Police have acted with the clear efficiency of a Roman Army. Whether Melbourne Judge Anthony Kelly has any resemblance to Pontius Pilot, I do not know. However, I am not aware of any request for a tennis court on Calvary.

But the real Djokovic danger is his insufferable arrogance. It is possible to be very good at sport without assuming the Djokovic conceit. Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal, Sir John Walker and Sir Mo Farrar, Sir Steve Redgrave and Michael Phelps, Steffi Graff and Wilma Rudolph all managed their fame with dignity and class.

But not Djokovic. As Sir John Walker said to me a long time ago, “Some have class, others have ass.”  Djokovic has plenty of one and very little of the other.

For example, on the 16 December Djokovic tested positive for COVID 19. It was his second positive test in six months. The guy is a living walking incubator of the disease. The next day he attended the opening of a shopping mall and the first day of a new primary school. I guess the mall and the school asked for a celebrity. But wow, they got so much more. Attending the mall is bad enough, but attending a primary school is unbelievably thoughtless and cruel. If a person with Aids can be charged with attempted murder for sleeping with a clean partner, why should Djokovic get away with cosying up to dozens of pre-teens at school. A gun would be no more deadly.

Mind you his father says his son is Jesus (does that make the father God?) and you know what Jesus said, “Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven”. Any guy who would do what Djokovic did the day after testing positive does not give a toss about the health of Australia. Kick the waste of space out on the next flight to Belgrade. They seem to like him there. And they are welcome. We certainly can do without the likes of him in our section of the world.

Novaxx – no play.

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