I am about to embark on a journey of self-loathing. I should close the computer now and avoid a day of hating my weakness. Months ago, I locked the author of the Kiwi Swimming Facebook page out of my phone, my email, my WhatsApp and my blog. My sport and my self-esteem were too important to participate in the Kiwi Swimming sewer. I wanted to be lifted up, to see the mountain tops, to learn from wise men and women and understand more. That was not what Kiwi Swimming offered. We were better off having nothing to do with each other. Kiwi Swimming is just not my sort of person.

And so, it has been for a while. Until today, when one of my swimmers suggested that, in terms of rubbish on the internet, Kiwi Swimming had just excelled himself. I admonished my informant. She should have passed the stage of reading comics. But like Eve with the apple, her information played on my weakness. I went home and read the post.

To avoid any misunderstanding, I have copied in full the Swimming New Zealand post Kiwi Swimming found objectionable and his reply.

First Swimming New Zealand:

Looking back on the best moments on 2021. After hosting record numbers at some events, our elite team inspiring Olympic pride and more kiwi’s enjoying the water more than ever. We’re stoked on the year that was 2021 and can’t wait to see you all for more good times this year.

That seems like a harmless wish for a good New Year. The sort of thing well-meaning, polite people of good will say to each other. But not Kiwi Swimming, it seems. Here is his reply:

It’s good that Swimming NZ is “stoked” about the good 2021 swimming year, saying more Kiwis enjoyed the water more than ever, when that’s simply not true.

Are they stoked that NZ Short Course champs were effectively cancelled, stoked that few achievements were attained by senior swimmers swimming in NZ, stoked that top swimmer Lewis Clareburt’s Capital Swim club is in turmoil and has lost three coaches, with their head coach now coaching juniors, stoked that we got no medals or even top six placings at the Olympics.

Stoked we could not even enter four freestylers in a relay for Olympics?

Are they stoked at the amount of time Auckland swimmers spent locked out of pools?

Stoked to employ an event coordinator who hasn’t even run one event? Stoked to have lost AON as a sponsor?

Stoked to have reduced Lewis Clareburt’s funding?

Stoked to exclude a highly seeded 12-year-old from National champs after accepting her entry then politicking her out?

2021 was a pretty bad year overall, apart from those who could swim offshore.

I’m sure you understand my reference to a sewer. I could spend an hour or so pulling apart every line. Because every line is rubbish. But instead, I will pick out a few examples of why you should ban this page from your reading list.

WITH THEIR HEAD COACH NOW COACHING JUNIORS

And what I might ask is wrong with that. Duncan Laing and Judith Wright coached juniors. Bob Bowman and Mark Schubert coached juniors. Arch Jelley coached juniors. Arthur Lydiard coached juniors. Some of the most satisfying coaching I have ever done was with juniors. They learn and so does the coach. If you can’t coach juniors, you will never coach a champion. Lydiard once told me, “David never call yourself a coach. Call yourself a teacher. It better describes what you should be doing.” But I guess that’s a bit beyond Kiwi Swimming.

WE GOT NO MEDALS OR EVEN TOP SIX PLACINGS AT THE OLYMPICS

After 20 years in the centralised training wilderness Swimming New Zealand is on its way back. Swimming can do without Kiwi Swimming’s negative stuff. Tokyo was the sport’s best result since 1996. The table below shows what I mean.  

Games	Result
Tokyo 2021	2 swimmers made 3 finals
Rio 2016	0 swimmers made 0 finals
London 2012	1 swimmer made 2 finals
Beijing 2008	2 swimmers made 2 finals
Athens 2004	0 swimmers made 0 finals
Sydney 2000	0 swimmers made 0 finals

“Figures can’t lie, but liars can figure” Just go to Kiwi Swimming. You will see that skill on full display.

WE COULD NOT EVEN ENTER FOUR FREESTYLERS IN A RELAY FOR OLYMPICS

Well, what were Carina Doyle, Erica Fairweather, Ali Galyer and Eve Thomas? Looked like four swimmers in a relay to me. Chauvinism at its best.

AN EVENT COORDINATOR WHO HASN’T EVEN RUN ONE EVENT

What on earth does Kiwi Swimming have against Chloe Francis. Ever since her appointment he has taken snarky little shots at her. I reckon he has a beef with Gary and has decided the best way to inflict hurt is to attack his daughter. Pretty typical. He really should try to get his facts right, Chloe’s title is Events Manager – not coordinator. And for Kiwi Swimming’s information she is an ideal person for that job, both academically and her knowledge of swimming. In fact, I’d bet the house Chloe Francis has forgotten more about swimming that Kiwi Swimming has ever known.

REDUCED LEWIS CLAREBURT’S FUNDING

Don’t attack Swimming New Zealand for that. His funding is set by the Raelene Castle mob. Athletes have never been paid properly. But that’s down to Sport New Zealand. If Kiwi Swimming is going on the attack, he should at least select the right target.     

EXCLUDE A HIGHLY SEEDED 12-YEAR-OLD

I have no idea what that is about. All I can say is my daughter, Jane, qualified first for the Open Nationals when she was 11 years old. She was 12 when she swam. There was no problem. Is this another Kiwi Swimming storm in a teacup.

I’m sure you get the idea. That Facebook page is rubbish. And now I’m off to stand under a very hot shower for a very long time.