For those of us who travel the world selling our sporting labor it has become important to have a working knowledge of national immigration policies. Since 9/11 there is not a nation on earth that hasn't toughened up its immigration procedures. For sporting mercenaries this has made life a whole lot more difficult.

There are many who experience this much more than me. Sailors, Coutts, Butterworth, Dickson and Barker seem to be in a new nation's harbor every weekend plying their trade, earning a dollar. Campbell, Woods and Daley tour the world's golf courses doing the same thing. Just this week the Williams sisters are working in Paris before moving on to London in search of a Wimbledon pay check. The questions of what documents do I need to get into the country, what documents do I need to earn an income while I'm there, how do I get my money out, what documents do I need to get myself out and where and how much and when do I pay tax are complicated and important. No nation's immigration or tax officials seem sympathetic to the plea of, “I didn't know.”

My travels have not been anything like as extensive as these sporting superstars. I have however coached in four different sporting nations. It helped to have been born in one and to have two or three grandparents who were born in another. In spite of 9/11 many nations still accommodate imports with close family ties.

In the United States however I had no genealogical advantage. To work there involved obtaining a non-immigrant work visa. Since 9/11 US Immigration – they are now called Homeland Security for fairly obvious reasons – have got a lot tougher on the procedure for obtaining non-immigrant work status. Some of us, including me and I would imagine Coutts and Campbell, qualify for a document called an O1 Visa. This is worth much, much more than its weight in pure gold. To quote from Homeland Security's regulations the O1 Visa is provided to ”an international beneficiary who possesses extraordinary ability in the arts, sciences, business, education, athletics, or the motion picture or television industry.” In my case, I'm prepared to bet next year's wages that there are a few of you who will dispute whether I possess extraordinary ability in anything. Fortunately, for me, there are a number who disagree with you.

Having an O1 Visa is a privilege. Frequently I have returned to the United States and come across a tired Immigration Official at the end of a long day who has seen the O1 Visa and has smiled and said warmly. “Welcome back to the US . Did you have a successful trip?” One guy even asked, “Are you famous? Should I know who you are?” Another spent a few minutes telling me about his father who was a diver on the US 1936 Berlin Olympic Games team. In the Virgin Islands an officer exclaimed, “Wow, an O1! I've never seen one of them before.” Yes, an O1 Visa is good and not to be taken lightly.

It is not always a guarantee of protection however. In the Virgin Islands I was held at the airport for an hour once while Immigration investigated whether I was a person of the same name, from the same country, who had been passing bad checks in Texas . I'm pleased to report that our very different birthdates confirmed it was someone else. I've never minded these hold ups. The world's not as safe as it once was. Homeland Security is doing a pretty good job of stopping some silly buggers out there who want to disrupt things even more.

I heard the other day that the President, George Bush, has a plaque on his desk that says, “He may come today.” This evidently refers to the second coming of Christ. If it does happen I have occasionally wondered how that traveler would get on entering the United States . Traveling on a Palestinian Passport, with long hair and a beard, reading out loud from St. Johns gospel and wearing those robes and sandals favored by men from the Middle East I suspect his jet would be turned around well before it crossed the US coastline.

If he's going to come Jesus should do what we all did and get an O1 Visa ahead of time. He'd be a certainty to get one. Just look at the criteria.

EXTRAORDINARY ABILITY - The International Beneficiary has reached a level of expertise in his/her field that places the Beneficiary among the small percentage at the very top of his/her class. Now if a bloke who has turned water into wine, walked on water, cured cripples by touching them and come alive after being dead for three days can't prove he's in the top small percent of his trade, none of us can.

PARTICIPATING IN A SPECIFIC EVENT - The Beneficiary must be entering the United States to participate in a specific event. In terms of the second coming Jesus is, as they say in the south, “the main man”. If it wasn't for him there wouldn't be an event.

ADVISORY OPINION - The Petitioner must obtain an advisory opinion from an appropriate peer group regarding the nature of the services to be rendered by the Beneficiary. I'm pretty sure both the Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury would provide this visitor with letters of support.

INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED – The Beneficiary must prove his/her international ability through evidence of any published material about the alien's work. Jesus is in a very strong position here. He is given credit for being responsible for the world's most widely published and read book – the Bible. As an author he has a track record the rest of us can only dream of.

INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED – The Beneficiary must have membership with an association that requires members to have outstanding achievement. Jesus has gone one better than the rest of us here too. He's got his own association with millions of loyal followers as members.

INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED – The Beneficiary should have articles published in any type of major media or professional journal. Never a day goes by without the world's press debating Jesus' contribution to world affairs. His opinions are sought on whether we can use stem cells to cure the sick, kill murderers, perform abortions or marry people of the same sex. This bloke's opinion is pretty well recognized as the final word on just about every major social issue of the day.

Homeland Security would award him with an O1 Visa all right. He'd have to provide the required paper work and call in at the US Consulate in Jerusalem to have his passport stamped but the approval from the Vermont Immigration Office should not be a problem. In fact if he can come up with the $1375 “fast-track” processing fee US Immigration will guarantee him an answer in less than 14 working days. In my experience they have always been as good as their word.

To be deadly accurate President George Bush's plaque should read:

- Swimwatch Team

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