The New Zealand National Championships begin in two weeks. I have never been told why the long course summer championships were changed to start within ten days of the shortest day of winter. However this is Swimming New Zealand (SNZ). In their alternative world summer on 2 July – that’s close enough. It is, after all, summer somewhere in the world. The “summer” event is followed five minutes later with the short course “winter” championships; a fact that only adds to the confusion. Knowing the difference between summer and winter would clearly place you on a short list for employment at SNZ. Add in autumn and spring and you’re in line to be the CEO.

I see today SNZ has announced the dates of June 17-21 for the 2019 summer long course championships. Mid-winter solstice in 2019 is June 22. Bugger, missed it by a day!

But back to the 2018 Championships. They are serving as a selection trial for the Pan Pacific Games. I was wondering how many swimmers were likely to be selected and what their performance could mean in terms of the Tokyo Olympic Games in 2020.

As far as selection is concerned, the team is anyone’s guess. Demonstrating a willingness to blow bubbles underwater in the deep end could get you on the Commonwealth Games’ relay team. And relay team membership bought you into the kingdom of individual events. If the same thing happens here you may see me in Speedos at the start of the men’s 200 fly. Believe me, that is not as strange as it sounds. The Pan Pacific selection criteria occupy three pages and 1,200 words. Unbelievably 356 words (30%) of the criteria is allocated to one clause titled “Extenuating Circumstances”. This lists the traditional Swimming New Zealand “get out of jail” clauses.

In today’s SNZ “selection criteria” means – this is what we would like you to do but if the team is too small doing real swimming we will pick you anyway, using our carefully crafted rules for cheating. “Extenuating Circumstances” are defined as just about anything SNZ want them to be; “injury or illness; travel delays, equipment failure (what does that mean); bereavement or personal misfortune; and/or any other factors” Of course the certain sign of corruption is the “any other factors” clause. In other words anything is allowed as long as SNZ decide it is in their best interests. The selection criteria apply to everyone except SNZ. Like Trump, they are outside the rule of law. No wonder our competitive results have been so dismal – cheats never prosper.

And so who is going to the Pan Pacific Games in Tokyo on the 9th August 2018? As best as I can tell seven swimmers have qualified. These are listed in the table below.

However Fa’amausili, Stanley and Ashby do not appear to be entered in the trials. That reduces the eligible swimmers to four except of course Fa’amausili will be granted an injury dispensation, Stanley will be given a travel allowance and Ashby is probably deciding between equipment failure and any other factors. But if things were being done properly, according to the rules, the team would be Hunter, Perry, Mains and Clareburt.

And so what does a Pan Pac team of four mean for the Tokyo Olympic Games in two years? Well, it is not the best of signs. The Olympic bar is high enough without starting from scratch every four years. There is little option but to conclude that New Zealand will again return empty handed. Has it sunk in what that means? It means that since Loader won in 1996 New Zealand swimming will have been to Games in Sydney in 2000, Athens in 2004, Beijing in 2008, London in 2012, Rio in 2016 and Tokyo in 2020 and returned with nothing.

In the same years Athletics has won six medals – Adam x 2, Willis x 2, Walsh and McCartney. So it can be done.

Ironically HPSNZ calls their financial donation to SNZ an “investment”. Just tell me any other financial investment where the amount is in excess of $30 million, continues for quarter of a century and pays a zero return? Cotterill writes books about the management of money. He should know that the first rule of an investment is to generate a return in the future for the shareholders. Well, we have done our bit. We’ve given him our $30 million and have nothing in return. His books should be burned. In SNZ he has failed the first test of management.

The fault for that does not lie with the swimmers. They delivered all that they could. It does not lie with the club coaches. They received none of the $30 million. It lies with Miskimmin, Johns and six SNZ directors. Right now the six are Cotterill, Perry, McGee, Brown, Tongue and Tootill. I have no idea how often the Board meets. We don’t get meeting minutes like we used to. However let’s assume it is six times a year for four hours at a time. That’s 144 meetings and 576 hours of talking for no return.

At what point does their participation become an embarrassment? Oh, it is already an embarrassment to us – I mean an embarrassment to them. They work longer and harder to arrive at the wrong answers that anyone I have ever met. They must realise that the time has come to give someone else a shot at getting this right. Put it this way, if they owned an organization and invested $30 million, over 24 years, for nil return I’m sure they would ask the Board to move aside. Well how is this different?

We own an organization that has received $30 million over 24 years and we are asking them to move aside. There are no “extenuating circumstances”; no “other factors” that excuse their failure. This time the Board should live by the rules and pack their small brown boxes and leave the building. You never know, Cotterill might be able to write a management best seller about the experience, – “Teach Yourself What Not To Do”.